Growing up my hero was New York Yankees baseball icon Mickey Mantle. The legendary power hitter wore the number 7 on his pinstriped uniform, roamed Yankee Stadium's cavernous center field, swatted towering home runs from both sides of the plate and was as fleet as a cheetah.
Many boys of my generation worshiped The Mick as he was dubbed by an adoring sports media. I followed every game of his black-and-white career broadcast on television and the radio. My prized baseball card collection once included every Mantle card issued during his 18-year career.
Mantle chased Babe Ruth's single season home run record of 60, slugging 54 in 1961. I cut out every single newspaper headline in the local paper about each blast that year and pasted the clippings in a binder. I wept the day Mantle died of cancer in 1995 at age 63. America lost an epic sports figure.
Soon after his passing, the ugly stories began oozing into the media. Mantle was a chronic alcoholic. He chased women and cheated on his wife. He was a lousy father. His teammates recollections of his carousing spurred titillating news from reporters who once praised his play on the field.
This forlorn tale stands as a metaphor for how media coverage of sports has changed. When newspapers ruled journalism, the sports writers reported on what happened on the baseball diamond. What took place off the field wasn't news. Invading a players privacy was considered bad manners.
In the years since Mantle died, sports reporters spy into every private area of a player's life. The media pry into players' feuds with management, their sexual preference, their free spending habits, their use of performance enhancing drugs and their hyper-inflated salaries.
The scrutiny from television sports outlets, radio talk shows, newspapers, social media and bloggers is pervasive. Sports figures no longer have private lives. Every whisper and deed is dissected, analyzed, critiqued and judged. No athlete can emerge unscathed under the media microscope.
In my opinion, sports is not better off for the invasive investigation. Sports figures are now treated as celebrities, meaning their lives are fair game for public evisceration. One misstep and their lives and careers can be ruined by a cell phone video or a confrontation with an unruly fan in a bar.
Do sports fans really care how much money every single player earns? Does that add to their enjoyment of the game? Do fans relish the juicy details of who's dating a movie starlet? Does that create more interest in the game? Do we care about players' DUI arrests? Does that entertain?
Constant media surveillance has made cynics of everyone. Fans complain about a highly paid players performance. They boo a player because the athlete partied last night. They yell obscenities at the player who was exposed as an adulterer. Fans have morphed into contemptuous critics.
The game has lost its innocence. The action now takes place on a plethora of sports talk shows, each competing to become the loudest, most provocative, angriest muckraker. Post-game talk shows are the worst, where blame is parceled out in the cruelest terms and praise is often nonexistent.
Think about the biggest sports stories in the last 15 years. Many involve off the field antics, cheating or bad behavior. A few come to mind: Deflate Gate; Lance Armstrong's Drug Tests; Tiger Wood's Womanizing; Barry Bonds' Use of Performance Enhancing Drugs; Kobe Bryant's Assault Case.
As a youngster idolizing Mantle, I prefer my heroes to be judged on their performance on the field. I enjoy combing over box scores of games, rehashing great plays, perusing statistics that illuminate the performance of athletes. I desire sports coverage that celebrates the greatness of players and teams.
The Sports Section of newspapers once served as escapism from the humdrum of local, national and world news that depressed us. Now the sports pages are a cesspool of defamatory, malicious and hearsay coverage of athletic figures. There is no escaping the reality of human imperfection.
I yearn for those days of bigger-than-life heroes and games played for the fun of competition. I hunger for the thrill of watching super human feats of skill and daring. I long to be surrounded by fans who root for players and teams not against them. I relish big games and even bigger plays.
That's what I wish sports could be again. But those days are forever in the past. The media has made sure we can never go back to a time of virtue and purity of sport. It is a sad commentary on what society consumes and clamors for in sports coverage. And it has ruined the joy of sports for me.
Monday, June 25, 2018
Monday, June 18, 2018
Too Many Suicides, Too Few Answers
Suicides involving high profile celebrities shock Americans and spur an outpouring of sympathy. However, after a few news cycles, public interest wanes and heartbreak fades. That is a tragedy considering the alarming increase in suicides in this country and worldwide.
From 1999 to 2016, the suicide rate in the United States rose 28 percent. There were twice as many suicides (44,965) in 2016 as there were homicides (19,362) in the country. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people between the ages of 10 and 36.
Those statistics were reported by the American Foundation For Suicide Prevention (AFFSP), which estimates the costs of suicide at $69 billion annually in medical expenses and lost wages. Firearms were used in more than half (22,963) of the reported suicides.
Worldwide more than 600,000 people committed suicide in 2015, confirms the latest data from the World Health Organization. The United States ranks 48th in the world, eclipsed by countries such as Sir Lanka, Guyana and Mongolia, where the suicide rates are three times higher than our nation.
For every suicide, 25 Americans attempt to end their lives, reports the AFFSP. Research shows that for every reported suicide death about 11.4 people visit a hospital for self-harm injuries. The data does not distinguish between intentional and non-intentional injuries, weakening the linkage.
All this disturbing evidence sheds light on a subject that for too long has been taboo. Unfortunately, the stigma attached to suicide often obfuscates the publicly available information. As a result, unscientific beliefs replace facts which undermines an intelligent national discussion on prevention.
For instance, most people who kill themselves are not mentally deranged in the clinical sense. We tend to believe that, however, because seemingly well adjusted people are not supposed to end their lives. But the scientific data and research do not support that commonly held belief.
Based on data from the National Violent Death Reporting System, one-third of suicide victims tested positive for alcohol. In 24 percent of the cases, an antidepressant was discovered during the autopsy. One-fourth (20 percent) tested positive for opiates, including heroin and pain killers.
Those statistics, distributed by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), indicate that mental health issues may have contributed to the usage of drugs, pain killers and alcohol. But there is no evidence that suicides are the work of primarily mentally ill people.
Based on data from the National Violent Death Reporting System, one-third of suicide victims tested positive for alcohol. In 24 percent of the cases, an antidepressant was discovered during the autopsy. One-fourth (20 percent) tested positive for opiates, including heroin and pain killers.
Those statistics, distributed by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), indicate that mental health issues may have contributed to the usage of drugs, pain killers and alcohol. But there is no evidence that suicides are the work of primarily mentally ill people.
Another oft repeated misconception is that most suicides could be prevented if an adult or mental health professional would have intervened. A recent study reported in the Journal of Depression and Anxiety found most (54%) emergency room doctors said "few" suicides could have been prevented.
Research by the American Association of Suicidology (sic) found than less than 10 minutes pass between a the average person's decision to commit suicide and the actual attempt. In those precious minutes, the overwhelming impulse to take your own life outweighs common sense and logic.
Depression has been found to be one of the top risk factors for suicide. But it is just one cause on a long list of contributing influences. Other markers include substance abuse, a family history of suicide, being a bullying victim, eating disorders, incarceration, hopelessness and low job security.
There far too many other factors to innumerate. That's one of the obstacles to preventing suicide. It is nearly impossible to know what precisely triggers each suicide. If you cannot predict the underlying cause in advance, how do you stop a person from committing suicide?
Health experts always suggest people look for warning signs that someone may attempt suicide. But no one can see what a person is feeling inside. While the professionals admit that, they persist in telling people to look for signs of anxiousness, agitation, changes in eating habits, hopelessness.
Sadly, the list of warning signs is just as lengthly as the risk factors, which means no one can pinpoint a single influence with absolute confidence. It shouldn't deter people helping others. But the truth is Americans need better tools to recognize the symptoms of suicidal behavior.
Promising research has been launched in recent years to discover if there is a gene marker for suicide. That would help identify high-risk individuals. However, we remain years perhaps even decades away from learning if there indeed is a gene or perhaps a gene mutation linked to suicide.
Some health officials point to the rising rates of depression, anxiety and anger to explain the hike in suicides. But few have answers to the most critical question: "Why is this increase happening?" Without more scientific evidence, physicians and patients are left to try to cope the best they can.
In the absence of more actionable research, suffering will continue for those left behind by the suicide of a friend, relative or loved one. These innocent bystanders experience guilt, remorse and a stinging sense of loss. There is nothing worse in life. Their pain is a cry for answers to prevent suicide.
Depression has been found to be one of the top risk factors for suicide. But it is just one cause on a long list of contributing influences. Other markers include substance abuse, a family history of suicide, being a bullying victim, eating disorders, incarceration, hopelessness and low job security.
There far too many other factors to innumerate. That's one of the obstacles to preventing suicide. It is nearly impossible to know what precisely triggers each suicide. If you cannot predict the underlying cause in advance, how do you stop a person from committing suicide?
Health experts always suggest people look for warning signs that someone may attempt suicide. But no one can see what a person is feeling inside. While the professionals admit that, they persist in telling people to look for signs of anxiousness, agitation, changes in eating habits, hopelessness.
Sadly, the list of warning signs is just as lengthly as the risk factors, which means no one can pinpoint a single influence with absolute confidence. It shouldn't deter people helping others. But the truth is Americans need better tools to recognize the symptoms of suicidal behavior.
Promising research has been launched in recent years to discover if there is a gene marker for suicide. That would help identify high-risk individuals. However, we remain years perhaps even decades away from learning if there indeed is a gene or perhaps a gene mutation linked to suicide.
Some health officials point to the rising rates of depression, anxiety and anger to explain the hike in suicides. But few have answers to the most critical question: "Why is this increase happening?" Without more scientific evidence, physicians and patients are left to try to cope the best they can.
In the absence of more actionable research, suffering will continue for those left behind by the suicide of a friend, relative or loved one. These innocent bystanders experience guilt, remorse and a stinging sense of loss. There is nothing worse in life. Their pain is a cry for answers to prevent suicide.
Monday, June 11, 2018
MS-13: Exporting Violence To America
Their motto is "kill, rape, control." Their bodies are branded with animated tattoos from head to toe. These ruthless murderers terrorize their victims before brutally ending their lives. These desperadoes are members of the MS-13 gang, a growing menace that has spread its tentacles to 46 states.
The gang with origins in El Salvador is responsible for a a rising tide of violence that worries law enforcement officials. The FBI, which tabulates crime statistics by virtually every category, has no available data on the MS-13 crime wave. However, many incidents have received news coverage.
In Houston, two MS-13 members kidnapped three teenage girls, holding them hostage and repeatedly raping them. The killers murdered one girl and left her body on the roadside. Two female high school students were beaten and hacked by gang members brandishing a machete and a bat near New York.
In Virginia last year, MS-13 hoodlums lured a Maryland man to a park on the outskirts of the nation's capitol. The gang members stabbed the victim 100 times, decapitated him and sliced his heart from his dead body, according to police reports. Even police were shocked by the excessive brutality.
MS-13 violence is not just aimed at civilians, rival gang members and traitors who attempt to flee their flock. They brazenly threaten to kill police if they interfere with their activities, which include drug distribution, prostitution, robbery, kidnapping and home invasions, according to the FBI.
Who are these tatted goons terrorizing our country?
MS-13 traces its roots to the mean streets of Central America. Many are El Salvadoran nationals, but others include immigrants from Honduras, Guatemala, and Mexico. The name MS-13 is a derivative of La Mara Street in San Salvador. Mara Salvatrucha translates to street gang or street smarts.
El Salvadorans with gang ties began sneaking into the U.S. in the 1990's. Many had honed their criminal skills fighting as guerrilla soldiers in the civil wars in Central America. They are well trained in weapons and warfare tactics. These are no ordinary street ruffians.
Many wound up in Los Angeles, which became their operations base for exporting their brand of mayhem. Gang leaders recruited from the immigrant community, reaching into middle and high schools for new members. The gang preys on unaccompanied minors who illegally entered the U.S.
In 1994, the FBI formed a task force to deal with the looming threat posed by the notoriously violent gang. Despite a concerted law offensive, the gang has metastasized like a cancer. Nationally, estimates peg the MS-13 membership at between 10,000 and 20,000.
But those are just guesstimates. The gang's rolls include about 5,000 to 6,000 members just in communities around Washington, D.C. Once the gang was a primarily West Coast operation, but it now stretches from the heartland to the East Coast. And they are claiming new territory every day.
Their influence extends beyond the U.S. into Central America and Mexico. In Mexico, officials there have called MS-13 a threat to national security. MS-13 smuggles weapons and drugs across the Mexican border. The gang also exploits the porous border to engage in human trafficking.
Alarmed by the gang's criminal assault on American soil, the Treasury Department in 2012 designated the outfit a "transnational criminal organization." It was the first street gang ever accorded this tag, elevating its threat on par with deadly international cartels such as the Mexican Zetas.
Last year Attorney General Jeff Session escalated the war on MS-13 putting the entire resources of the federal government to crush their criminal rampage. "They leave misery, devastation and death in their wake," Sessions said. "They must be and will be stopped."
Despite the obvious MS-13 threat, the liberal media, including The New York Times and Washington Post, recently tried to downplay the emergency. The Post pointed out last month that MS-13 accounts for less than one percent of the approximately 1.4 million gang members in America.
Current membership numbers are not the chief threat the gang poses. It is their intensifying violence, their recruiting success and rapid expansion that has made the gang a law enforcement priority. Nearly every big city now has a local task force solely dedicated to dismantling MS-13.
Undeterred by facts, the Post complained that designating MS-13 a priority will only "encourage the gang and others like it to flourish." Placing a giant target on this gang will inflame anti-immigrant sentiment, the newspaper bellyached. This is sheer lunacy that doesn't deserve a response.
Just as stupidly, Democrat Nancy Pelosi rushed to defend MS-13 gang members after President Trump labeled the thugs "animals" for their violent behavior. "They are all God's Children," Pelosi lectured to applause from the adoring media. Only Ms. Pelosi would champion MS-13 members.
Those who support open borders, like Ms. Pelosi, apparently believe the influx of MS-13 members is a small price to pay for granting sanctuary to whomever chooses to illegally enter the United States. This should frighten every American, including those who back increased legal immigration.
As Americans become more aware of the MS-13 risk, the backlash will be even more thunderous than the Post predicts. The FBI recently posted this warning about MS-13 on its website: "...this growing, mobile street gang could be operating in your community now or in the near future."
Politicians who ignore this sober assessment put Americans in danger by doubling down on their agenda to promote illegal immigration as a humanitarian cause. Their first priority should be protecting citizens. By soft peddling illegal immigrant crime, pols are undermining your security.
The gang with origins in El Salvador is responsible for a a rising tide of violence that worries law enforcement officials. The FBI, which tabulates crime statistics by virtually every category, has no available data on the MS-13 crime wave. However, many incidents have received news coverage.
In Houston, two MS-13 members kidnapped three teenage girls, holding them hostage and repeatedly raping them. The killers murdered one girl and left her body on the roadside. Two female high school students were beaten and hacked by gang members brandishing a machete and a bat near New York.
In Virginia last year, MS-13 hoodlums lured a Maryland man to a park on the outskirts of the nation's capitol. The gang members stabbed the victim 100 times, decapitated him and sliced his heart from his dead body, according to police reports. Even police were shocked by the excessive brutality.
MS-13 violence is not just aimed at civilians, rival gang members and traitors who attempt to flee their flock. They brazenly threaten to kill police if they interfere with their activities, which include drug distribution, prostitution, robbery, kidnapping and home invasions, according to the FBI.
Who are these tatted goons terrorizing our country?
MS-13 traces its roots to the mean streets of Central America. Many are El Salvadoran nationals, but others include immigrants from Honduras, Guatemala, and Mexico. The name MS-13 is a derivative of La Mara Street in San Salvador. Mara Salvatrucha translates to street gang or street smarts.
El Salvadorans with gang ties began sneaking into the U.S. in the 1990's. Many had honed their criminal skills fighting as guerrilla soldiers in the civil wars in Central America. They are well trained in weapons and warfare tactics. These are no ordinary street ruffians.
Many wound up in Los Angeles, which became their operations base for exporting their brand of mayhem. Gang leaders recruited from the immigrant community, reaching into middle and high schools for new members. The gang preys on unaccompanied minors who illegally entered the U.S.
In 1994, the FBI formed a task force to deal with the looming threat posed by the notoriously violent gang. Despite a concerted law offensive, the gang has metastasized like a cancer. Nationally, estimates peg the MS-13 membership at between 10,000 and 20,000.
But those are just guesstimates. The gang's rolls include about 5,000 to 6,000 members just in communities around Washington, D.C. Once the gang was a primarily West Coast operation, but it now stretches from the heartland to the East Coast. And they are claiming new territory every day.
Their influence extends beyond the U.S. into Central America and Mexico. In Mexico, officials there have called MS-13 a threat to national security. MS-13 smuggles weapons and drugs across the Mexican border. The gang also exploits the porous border to engage in human trafficking.
Alarmed by the gang's criminal assault on American soil, the Treasury Department in 2012 designated the outfit a "transnational criminal organization." It was the first street gang ever accorded this tag, elevating its threat on par with deadly international cartels such as the Mexican Zetas.
Last year Attorney General Jeff Session escalated the war on MS-13 putting the entire resources of the federal government to crush their criminal rampage. "They leave misery, devastation and death in their wake," Sessions said. "They must be and will be stopped."
Despite the obvious MS-13 threat, the liberal media, including The New York Times and Washington Post, recently tried to downplay the emergency. The Post pointed out last month that MS-13 accounts for less than one percent of the approximately 1.4 million gang members in America.
Current membership numbers are not the chief threat the gang poses. It is their intensifying violence, their recruiting success and rapid expansion that has made the gang a law enforcement priority. Nearly every big city now has a local task force solely dedicated to dismantling MS-13.
Undeterred by facts, the Post complained that designating MS-13 a priority will only "encourage the gang and others like it to flourish." Placing a giant target on this gang will inflame anti-immigrant sentiment, the newspaper bellyached. This is sheer lunacy that doesn't deserve a response.
Just as stupidly, Democrat Nancy Pelosi rushed to defend MS-13 gang members after President Trump labeled the thugs "animals" for their violent behavior. "They are all God's Children," Pelosi lectured to applause from the adoring media. Only Ms. Pelosi would champion MS-13 members.
Those who support open borders, like Ms. Pelosi, apparently believe the influx of MS-13 members is a small price to pay for granting sanctuary to whomever chooses to illegally enter the United States. This should frighten every American, including those who back increased legal immigration.
As Americans become more aware of the MS-13 risk, the backlash will be even more thunderous than the Post predicts. The FBI recently posted this warning about MS-13 on its website: "...this growing, mobile street gang could be operating in your community now or in the near future."
Politicians who ignore this sober assessment put Americans in danger by doubling down on their agenda to promote illegal immigration as a humanitarian cause. Their first priority should be protecting citizens. By soft peddling illegal immigrant crime, pols are undermining your security.
Monday, June 4, 2018
Marriage: 50 Years and Counting
On a summer day in a small church 50 years ago my life changed forever. The building's air conditioning huffed and puffed as I chafed in my wool tuxedo. I had been anxiously awaiting this day after three years of courtship. My heart thumped in a joyous chorus of anticipation.
I swiveled to see the familiar faces occupying the pews at St. James Catholic Church in Seguin,Texas. And then the crowd hushed as the music began. Everyone turned in unison as a breathtakingly beautiful woman gracefully glided down the center aisle on the arm of her father John Anderson.
I will always cherish that moment on June 1, 1968. The wedding ceremony that followed is a cosmic blur. All I recall is that Dianna Anderson, the strong Texas woman with whom I exchanged vows, smiled each time we stole a furtive glance. Our hearts already were joined as one.
Today when we meet people and tell them how long we have been married, their mouths are agape. I know what they are thinking: "How could such a young women end up married to that old guy?" Eventually they shake their heads in disbelief because no one stays married 50 years anymore.
What Dianna and I have experienced together is that getting married is the easiest part. Keeping a marriage loving and vibrant is formidable even under the best circumstances. No one remains married without heartbreak, calamities and ruffled feelings. But the joys are immeasurable.
There is so much nonsense today written about what makes a healthy marriage. Most of it is bunk dispensed by counselors and online therapists. Marriage is not a science but a lifelong experiment. Here are some nuggets of martial enlightenment gleaned through trial-and-error over 50 years:
Never Leave The Toilet Set Up
That may sound like simple advice, but the meaning is profound. In marriage, we learned we had to make adjustments, adapt and modify our behavior in the name of harmony. The toilet seat issue is just a metaphor for trying to keep your partner happy by breaking an old habit. We try to embrace change every day to keep our marriage fresh. Nothing makes it stale like clinging to the past.
There Are No Perfect Marriages
If you expect perfection in marriage, the odds are you will be miserable. We don't compare our marriage to another couple's seemingly gilded life. That is a prescription for a broken heart. Our marriage is uniquely ours. We want to keep it that way while trying to improve it each day. That reinvigorates our marriage and keeps us young at heart.
Sports Are Good But So Is The Ballet
Selfishness probably poisons more marriages than any other flaw. We are both strong willed people, but we learned compromise and sacrifice are necessary. When we met, I was a sports junkie. I cared for little else. Dianna's infatuations were the theatre, art, ballet and live music. Our interests were at opposite ends of the cultural divide. Now I am an art, theatre and music aficionado and she watches sports. We share our interests to our mutual enjoyment, without sacrificing the things we love.
Laugh a Lot And Lighten The Burden
We found there is no such thing as too much laughter in a marriage. It is hard to be upset when two people are enjoying a good belly laugh. Humor, jokes and playful banter are at staple at our house. We discovered it strengthens our marriage to handle the inevitable times of crisis and conflict. And when you laugh at yourself, you can't take yourself too seriously.
Love Means Never Having To Say Your Sorry (NOT!)
One of the worst pieces of advice is the title of a popular movie about the time we were married. It was called "Love Means Never Having to Say Your Sorry." That's not love. It's stubbornness. We have never stopped using those two words "I'm sorry." Paper your marriage with "I'm Sorry" and you will never to say: "I want a divorce."
Being Forgetful Is A Good Thing
Making up after a kerfuffle irons out the martial kinks as long as the parties agree to never bring up the issue again. A memory for past details can be an asset except in a marriage. We make it a habit to leave the past were it belongs and never attempt to re-litigate a disagreement once it's resolved. Going down that path hardens hearts and renders forgiveness an empty promise.
Say A Little Prayer
The demands of marriage, careers and eventually kids leave precious little time for the thing that matters most: faith. Throughout our marriage, our faith has soared to peaks and sometimes crashed in the valley. But we have discovered that shared faith, supported by robust prayer, allows us to dodge some of the potholes on the road of life. Faith in God is the great Amen that has blessed our marriage and united us with an unbreakable bond.
After writing these words, I reread the marital tips in this column. I must admit: I haven't always heeded these suggestions. That's a peculiarity of marriage. It is a fascinating journey that no one finishes without making mistakes. But the passage is priceless, especially when it lasts 50 years.
I swiveled to see the familiar faces occupying the pews at St. James Catholic Church in Seguin,Texas. And then the crowd hushed as the music began. Everyone turned in unison as a breathtakingly beautiful woman gracefully glided down the center aisle on the arm of her father John Anderson.
I will always cherish that moment on June 1, 1968. The wedding ceremony that followed is a cosmic blur. All I recall is that Dianna Anderson, the strong Texas woman with whom I exchanged vows, smiled each time we stole a furtive glance. Our hearts already were joined as one.
Today when we meet people and tell them how long we have been married, their mouths are agape. I know what they are thinking: "How could such a young women end up married to that old guy?" Eventually they shake their heads in disbelief because no one stays married 50 years anymore.
What Dianna and I have experienced together is that getting married is the easiest part. Keeping a marriage loving and vibrant is formidable even under the best circumstances. No one remains married without heartbreak, calamities and ruffled feelings. But the joys are immeasurable.
There is so much nonsense today written about what makes a healthy marriage. Most of it is bunk dispensed by counselors and online therapists. Marriage is not a science but a lifelong experiment. Here are some nuggets of martial enlightenment gleaned through trial-and-error over 50 years:
Never Leave The Toilet Set Up
That may sound like simple advice, but the meaning is profound. In marriage, we learned we had to make adjustments, adapt and modify our behavior in the name of harmony. The toilet seat issue is just a metaphor for trying to keep your partner happy by breaking an old habit. We try to embrace change every day to keep our marriage fresh. Nothing makes it stale like clinging to the past.
There Are No Perfect Marriages
If you expect perfection in marriage, the odds are you will be miserable. We don't compare our marriage to another couple's seemingly gilded life. That is a prescription for a broken heart. Our marriage is uniquely ours. We want to keep it that way while trying to improve it each day. That reinvigorates our marriage and keeps us young at heart.
Sports Are Good But So Is The Ballet
Selfishness probably poisons more marriages than any other flaw. We are both strong willed people, but we learned compromise and sacrifice are necessary. When we met, I was a sports junkie. I cared for little else. Dianna's infatuations were the theatre, art, ballet and live music. Our interests were at opposite ends of the cultural divide. Now I am an art, theatre and music aficionado and she watches sports. We share our interests to our mutual enjoyment, without sacrificing the things we love.
Laugh a Lot And Lighten The Burden
We found there is no such thing as too much laughter in a marriage. It is hard to be upset when two people are enjoying a good belly laugh. Humor, jokes and playful banter are at staple at our house. We discovered it strengthens our marriage to handle the inevitable times of crisis and conflict. And when you laugh at yourself, you can't take yourself too seriously.
Love Means Never Having To Say Your Sorry (NOT!)
One of the worst pieces of advice is the title of a popular movie about the time we were married. It was called "Love Means Never Having to Say Your Sorry." That's not love. It's stubbornness. We have never stopped using those two words "I'm sorry." Paper your marriage with "I'm Sorry" and you will never to say: "I want a divorce."
Being Forgetful Is A Good Thing
Making up after a kerfuffle irons out the martial kinks as long as the parties agree to never bring up the issue again. A memory for past details can be an asset except in a marriage. We make it a habit to leave the past were it belongs and never attempt to re-litigate a disagreement once it's resolved. Going down that path hardens hearts and renders forgiveness an empty promise.
Say A Little Prayer
The demands of marriage, careers and eventually kids leave precious little time for the thing that matters most: faith. Throughout our marriage, our faith has soared to peaks and sometimes crashed in the valley. But we have discovered that shared faith, supported by robust prayer, allows us to dodge some of the potholes on the road of life. Faith in God is the great Amen that has blessed our marriage and united us with an unbreakable bond.
After writing these words, I reread the marital tips in this column. I must admit: I haven't always heeded these suggestions. That's a peculiarity of marriage. It is a fascinating journey that no one finishes without making mistakes. But the passage is priceless, especially when it lasts 50 years.
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