Letters from O.H. Bama

Dear NASA Nerds:

There has been a lot of bellyaching from you people since My Administration announced cutbacks in NASA funding as part of my budget. I have four words for you: Get Over It! (I know that's three words, but we've cut the word budget to help America deal with the deficit.)

Let me be clear. I don't even know what the initials NASA stand for. National Association of Stupid Astronauts? Nerdy Angry Spacey Androids? No good Anguished Steroid Athletes? Most Americans think NASA is a nasal condition.

In an effort at bipartisanship, let me extend the hand of compromise. I might be willing to increase your budget, if you allow Joe Biden to go on the next moon flight. The good news is that you don't even have to send him back to earth. That could save money, you see?

Joe made a mess of things on his trip to the Mideast. Hilliary had to go in there with a broom to clean up the mess he made. Old Plugs just can't engage his brain and mouth at the same time.

To grease the skids, I mentioned my plan to the Vice President. As soon as I uttered the word moon, he dropped his pants in the oval office. Rham suggested a digital exam, the one test Plugs might be able to ace.

I know what you're thinking: but Joe doesn't have any astronaut training. Listen, no one is as spacey as Plugs. Furthermore, he has spent more time orbiting the truth than anyone, with the possible exception of Me.

If there's extra room on the spaceship, perhaps the entire Fox News Network could ride along with Plugs to document this historic voyage. Those people keep turning over rocks, exposing my penchant for deception. Let them break moon rocks for a few decades and let's see if they won't be willing to join the rest of the media in overlooking the truth.

Let me be perfectly honest. I do have an ulterior motive. Joe has a plan to make money that can be used to reduce the staggering deficit. He explained that he wants to use this trip to begin his own liquor export business. I was puzzled, so I asked him what he was talking about. His eyes glazed over and he answered: "Where do you think moonshine comes from?"

Plugs has a point there. I expect an answer before Plugs' next full moon.

Your President In Chief,

O.H. Bama