Underneath Santa's bulky red suit beats the heart of a Republican. He owns a small business employing hundreds. His North Pole firm is non-union. His business accepts no government aid. He believes in charity, giving away billions worth of toys every year. He even has a traditional marriage.
Christmas would be a lot different if Mr. Claus was a Democrat and the federal government was in charge of overseeing the holiday.
No children could perch on Santa's ample lap. The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) would deem it too hazardous for kids.
Santa would deliver no gifts to children in households earning $250,000 and above. These children would be assessed taxes on their allowances to pay for toys for middle class kids.
Children who requested Ken and Barbie dolls would be surprised Christmas morning to discover Ken and Bruce under their tree. The dolls come with a California marriage certificate.
Santa's workforce would not pass muster with the feds. Too many elves. Quotas would be established to insure the North Pole business employed more hobbits, jihadists and transvestites.
Every girl and boy would receive the same exact gift to make Christmas more fair. Santa may be pro-choice, but that doesn't apply to toys.
Santa would trade in his sleigh and eight tiny reindeer for a Chevy Volt and eight tiny Prius. However, the jolly man would only be able to visit four homes between each charge.
After squeezing down the chimney, Santa would confiscate all guns in the house. He would turn over the weapons to the feds, who would peddle them to Mexican gangs.
Santa would leave voter registration cards and cell phones in the stockings of households receiving federal handouts.
Children of Hollywood couples would put out large piles of cash for Santa's Political Action Committee. In return, Santa would overlook their naughtiness.
Each boy and girl would get a contraceptive and a video on safe sex. Santa would also leave behind his unlisted North Pole cell phone number and a topless photo of himself.
Santa would rip all religious symbols from the walls and holiday trees in homes. Exceptions would be made for Muslin households.
Homes in states that have approved marijuana use would be visited several times on Christmas eve. Even Santa needs to boost to make it through the holidays.
Instead of cookies, Democrat households would leave an apple and a stalk of celery for the overweight St. Nick to comply with First Lady Michelle Obama's healthy eating guidelines.
Federal anti-discrimination guidelines would prevent Santa from yelling, "Ho-Ho-Ho." The government insists the traditional greeting is insensitive to ladies of the night.
Santa would no longer refer to the holiday as Christmas. It would be renamed Entitlement Day to reflect how children of Democrats view their right to toys.
As you can tell, Christmas would be pretty dreary if Santa was a Democrat.
Let's keep Christmas Republican and free of government intrusion.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
GOP Bumper Sticker: Boot Boehner
House Speaker John Boehner appears to be doing his best Neville Chamberlain impersonation in the fiscal cliff negotiations with President Obama. Chamberlain, England's former prime minister, was infamously duped into appeasing Germany in 1938, only to watch Adolph Hitler unleash a wretched war that engulfed Europe.
Boehner has played the modern day role of Chamberlain by negotiating with a president who has no appetite for compromise. Obama has washed his hands of reforming entitlements, paring the federal budget and trimming the deficit. In return for nothing but empty promises, Obama has demanded the GOP capitulate and raise tax rates on America's top earners.
This is not a negotiating ploy. The president believes, because he won a second term, that Americans share his vision of the United States: a country overburdened with debt, saddled with bloated entitlements and handcuffed by federal budgets that depend on ever increasing amounts of debt.
With the media's collaboration, Obama has fooled many into thinking he wants a deal. He doesn't. Dunderhead Boehner has not figured that out. How else do you explain why he keeps trotting up to the White House like a puppy starved for a head pat? The speaker should have ended the sham long ago by refusing to bargain with a president bent on coercing Republicans to abandon their principles in exchange for meaningless offers for future action on federal spending.
The bumbling Boehner has been outflanked, outmaneuvered and out smarted in the negotiations. He has ceded the national narrative to the president by focusing on entitlements instead of the national debt, an issue that concerns most Americans. He has angered his own party by throwing in the towel on tax increases. If that wasn't enough, he has failed miserably in his role as party spokesperson. His news conferences have been irksome, stilted and insipid.
Republicans must overhaul their tactics to save face. Fortunately, they still have time to salvage a modicum of respect by making these four changes.
1. Force a vote on raising tax rates on the top bracket. Forget trying to knit a grand bargain. Obama will never agree to the GOP laundry list anyway. He never made any pretense he was in the mood for a bargain. Make this solely about a tax boost. That is the only issue that matters to Obama. He needs a win to placate his base. Serve it up to him on a platter. He's going to get it anyway.
2. Vote "present" when the tax increase plan floats to the House and Senate floor. Republicans should make the Democrats own this tax increase. They can do this by simply voting "present" to show their disapproval. Even some Democrats may balk at rubber stamping the president's proposal. When the economy craters, make Democrats defend the hike in the 2014 mid-term elections.
3. Ditch talk of entitlement reform as part of a bargain. Democrats know as well as Republicans that entitlement programs are on a suicidal march to bankruptcy. However, they want the GOP to suffer the consequences of any measures that reduce benefits to recipients, especially seniors. That's why they have gleefully watched as Boehner harped on entitlements. Democrats would be only too happy to sign an agreement that alters entitlements just so later they could claim the GOP held a gun to their heads. They want Republicans blamed for taking away seniors' aid.
4. Republicans should shift the focus to the 2013-2014 federal budget. Once the tax increase passes, the GOP should compel the administration to produce a budget that can be voted on in both houses of Congress. Obama and Democrats have dodged votes on fiscal budgets the last three years because their spending excesses would be unmasked. They prefer secret negotiations instead. A budget battle provides the GOP with the ideal forum to reign in deficits, lower debt, rehabilitate entitlements and cleave federal spending.
However, nothing will happen as long as Mr. Appeasement shepherds the House. Neville Chamberlain resigned the premiership in 1940 after his disastrous bargain with Germany. Boehner needs to take a lesson from history and vacate the office of Speaker of the House while there is still time to save the republic from an economic calamity.
Boehner has played the modern day role of Chamberlain by negotiating with a president who has no appetite for compromise. Obama has washed his hands of reforming entitlements, paring the federal budget and trimming the deficit. In return for nothing but empty promises, Obama has demanded the GOP capitulate and raise tax rates on America's top earners.
This is not a negotiating ploy. The president believes, because he won a second term, that Americans share his vision of the United States: a country overburdened with debt, saddled with bloated entitlements and handcuffed by federal budgets that depend on ever increasing amounts of debt.
With the media's collaboration, Obama has fooled many into thinking he wants a deal. He doesn't. Dunderhead Boehner has not figured that out. How else do you explain why he keeps trotting up to the White House like a puppy starved for a head pat? The speaker should have ended the sham long ago by refusing to bargain with a president bent on coercing Republicans to abandon their principles in exchange for meaningless offers for future action on federal spending.
The bumbling Boehner has been outflanked, outmaneuvered and out smarted in the negotiations. He has ceded the national narrative to the president by focusing on entitlements instead of the national debt, an issue that concerns most Americans. He has angered his own party by throwing in the towel on tax increases. If that wasn't enough, he has failed miserably in his role as party spokesperson. His news conferences have been irksome, stilted and insipid.
Republicans must overhaul their tactics to save face. Fortunately, they still have time to salvage a modicum of respect by making these four changes.
1. Force a vote on raising tax rates on the top bracket. Forget trying to knit a grand bargain. Obama will never agree to the GOP laundry list anyway. He never made any pretense he was in the mood for a bargain. Make this solely about a tax boost. That is the only issue that matters to Obama. He needs a win to placate his base. Serve it up to him on a platter. He's going to get it anyway.
2. Vote "present" when the tax increase plan floats to the House and Senate floor. Republicans should make the Democrats own this tax increase. They can do this by simply voting "present" to show their disapproval. Even some Democrats may balk at rubber stamping the president's proposal. When the economy craters, make Democrats defend the hike in the 2014 mid-term elections.
3. Ditch talk of entitlement reform as part of a bargain. Democrats know as well as Republicans that entitlement programs are on a suicidal march to bankruptcy. However, they want the GOP to suffer the consequences of any measures that reduce benefits to recipients, especially seniors. That's why they have gleefully watched as Boehner harped on entitlements. Democrats would be only too happy to sign an agreement that alters entitlements just so later they could claim the GOP held a gun to their heads. They want Republicans blamed for taking away seniors' aid.
4. Republicans should shift the focus to the 2013-2014 federal budget. Once the tax increase passes, the GOP should compel the administration to produce a budget that can be voted on in both houses of Congress. Obama and Democrats have dodged votes on fiscal budgets the last three years because their spending excesses would be unmasked. They prefer secret negotiations instead. A budget battle provides the GOP with the ideal forum to reign in deficits, lower debt, rehabilitate entitlements and cleave federal spending.
However, nothing will happen as long as Mr. Appeasement shepherds the House. Neville Chamberlain resigned the premiership in 1940 after his disastrous bargain with Germany. Boehner needs to take a lesson from history and vacate the office of Speaker of the House while there is still time to save the republic from an economic calamity.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Warren Buffet: The Orifice of Omaha
Billionaire blowhard Warren Buffet is leading a one-man band to drum up support for hiking taxes on his pals in the upper earning bracket. The once publicity shy businessman has become a media darling and a personal shill for President Obama during his high-profile class warfare campaign.
Most Americans know little about Buffet, dubbed the "Oracle of Omaha" for his ability to cherry pick undervalued companies for his firm, Berkshire Hathaway. His net worth has been estimated at something north of $46 billion. But he is less than forthcoming about his immense wealth.
The 82-year-old, self-described agnostic has invested billions in companies ranging from railroads to candy companies, jewelry chains, insurance underwriters, newspapers and furniture stores. Buffet scrupulously avoided the limelight for most of his career until he recently became infatuated with notoriety.
In his latest evangelical outreach, Buffet lectured the country on how jacking up taxes would boost the morale of those unwashed middle class Americans. His sermon was delivered as the president stumped on the moral imperative to eliminate the Bush tax cuts for high-income families.
The 82-year-old, self-described agnostic has invested billions in companies ranging from railroads to candy companies, jewelry chains, insurance underwriters, newspapers and furniture stores. Buffet scrupulously avoided the limelight for most of his career until he recently became infatuated with notoriety.
In his latest evangelical outreach, Buffet lectured the country on how jacking up taxes would boost the morale of those unwashed middle class Americans. His sermon was delivered as the president stumped on the moral imperative to eliminate the Bush tax cuts for high-income families.
The pomposity of Buffet is only eclipsed by his hypocrisy.
For starters, Buffet's army of lawyers and tax accountants at Berkshire are contesting nearly $1 billion in Internal Revenue Service (IRS) claims against his companies. One of the firms, NetJets, sued the government over $642.7 million in back taxes, interest and penalties.
The sanctimonious Buffet could set a good example for corporations by paying his business taxes.
While Buffet scolds others about paying their fair share of taxes, the iconic billionaire has taken deliberate steps to shield as much of his income as possible from the IRS. For instance, Buffet has shifted billions of dollars into a private charity to skirt paying billions in taxes.
Buffet pays a lower tax rate than most Americans earning $250,000 and up because the majority of his wealth has been generated by stock ownership, which is taxed at a lower rate than wages. That helps explain why the industrialist lobbies for higher tax rates on those wretched small business people.
The hypocrisy doesn't end there.
Included in Buffet's portfolio of companies are life insurance firms that peddle estate planning products that help the wealthiest Americans lower the amount of taxes they pay the government. When taxes are raised, it fuels demand for even more tax shelters, which benefits Buffet's legion of companies.
Buffet's support for President Obama's soak-the-rich scheme is not entirely altruistic either.
The moneyed mogul counts Government Employees Insurance Company (GEICO) among his holdings. Obama's push to grow the government bureaucracy has benefited GEICO, a company that serves a large portion of the federal workforce.
Buffet also hit the jackpot when the president derailed the multi-million dollar Keystone Pipeline project. Obama's decision opened the doors for the tycoon's railroad company (BNSF) to haul oil across the country at a higher rate than it would have cost to pump the crude over a pipeline.
Yet the media has cloaked Warren Buffet in a sheen of self-righteousness.
Buffet, like Obama, isn't really interested in tax fairness. The narcissistic magnate wants to ingratiate himself to the president to secure preferential treatment for his sundry industries. Buffet has always finagled every advantage to enrich his vast portfolio.
If he wants to "boost the morale" of the middle class, Warren Buffet should shut up. A little more silence from the Orifice of Omaha would be a welcome relief for all Americans.
If he wants to "boost the morale" of the middle class, Warren Buffet should shut up. A little more silence from the Orifice of Omaha would be a welcome relief for all Americans.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Middle Class Malarky
Even for a man with a penchant for political exploitation, President Obama's rhetoric on the extension of the Bush tax cuts has plumbed new depths of demagoguery. In a desperate gambit, the White House warned that failure to reach a tax deal would sack middle class families' Christmas shopping plans.
"The president believes Democrats and Republicans should come together to renew middle class tax cuts," the White House said in a statement that predicted retailers' Christmas stockings would be stuffed with lumps of coal if the Republican-authored tax cuts were allowed to expire.
The crass appeal from the White House painted the president as a champion of the middle class, a favorite theme of the Obama campaign during the election. What makes the empty oratory so odious is the fact that the Obama presidency has been no friend of the middle class.
On practically every economic measure, middle class Americans are worse off than four years ago.
Annual incomes for the middle class have plummeted an average of $4,520 since President Obama took office in 2009, the year the recession officially ended. The Census Bureau reported that median income has belly-flopped to $50,054. That's a 4.1 percent decline from 2009.
The median income level is the lowest it has been since 1995, nearly two decades ago. The president and his economic policies have failed miserably to deliver a recovery for the middle class. In fact, the middle class has fallen further behind under Obama.
During the Obama presidency, the ranks of the middle class have shrunk. Pew Research found that 51 percent of all adults fell into the middle income tier in 2011. In 1971, more than 60 percent of Americans were included in the middle income echelon.
Middle American earners' share of the household income pie also has diminished. Middle income households account for 45 percent of all earnings. Just two decades ago, middle earners' share of total income was 62 percent, according to Pew Research.
Meanwhile, health care premiums have skyrocketed $3,000 since Obama assumed the presidency. Inflation has hijacked 6.62 percentage points of purchasing power from the middle class in the last four years.
Obama has saddled Americans with national debt that stands at $51,972.66 for each middle class man, woman and child. Appallingly, that means Greece's national debt per person is now 35 percent lower than the United States, according to the International Monetary Fund.
Yet Obama has the audacity to claim the tax extension will save the middle class from financial ruin. Who is he kidding? Obama's real agenda isn't to lift the middle class.
The president wants to stoke the fires of class warfare, pitting the middle class against the wealthy in an effort to create divisions that will promote income redistribution. The rich are Obama's bogeymen, blamed for everything that can't be pinned on former President George W. Bush.
Another year of Bush's tax cuts will not cure what ails the middle class. Economic growth across every industry is the shining hope for the middle class to recover from the losses suffered under the current administration.
Without a robust economic rebound, even Santa Claus won't be able to rescue the middle class.
"The president believes Democrats and Republicans should come together to renew middle class tax cuts," the White House said in a statement that predicted retailers' Christmas stockings would be stuffed with lumps of coal if the Republican-authored tax cuts were allowed to expire.
The crass appeal from the White House painted the president as a champion of the middle class, a favorite theme of the Obama campaign during the election. What makes the empty oratory so odious is the fact that the Obama presidency has been no friend of the middle class.
On practically every economic measure, middle class Americans are worse off than four years ago.
Annual incomes for the middle class have plummeted an average of $4,520 since President Obama took office in 2009, the year the recession officially ended. The Census Bureau reported that median income has belly-flopped to $50,054. That's a 4.1 percent decline from 2009.
The median income level is the lowest it has been since 1995, nearly two decades ago. The president and his economic policies have failed miserably to deliver a recovery for the middle class. In fact, the middle class has fallen further behind under Obama.
During the Obama presidency, the ranks of the middle class have shrunk. Pew Research found that 51 percent of all adults fell into the middle income tier in 2011. In 1971, more than 60 percent of Americans were included in the middle income echelon.
Middle American earners' share of the household income pie also has diminished. Middle income households account for 45 percent of all earnings. Just two decades ago, middle earners' share of total income was 62 percent, according to Pew Research.
Meanwhile, health care premiums have skyrocketed $3,000 since Obama assumed the presidency. Inflation has hijacked 6.62 percentage points of purchasing power from the middle class in the last four years.
Obama has saddled Americans with national debt that stands at $51,972.66 for each middle class man, woman and child. Appallingly, that means Greece's national debt per person is now 35 percent lower than the United States, according to the International Monetary Fund.
Yet Obama has the audacity to claim the tax extension will save the middle class from financial ruin. Who is he kidding? Obama's real agenda isn't to lift the middle class.
The president wants to stoke the fires of class warfare, pitting the middle class against the wealthy in an effort to create divisions that will promote income redistribution. The rich are Obama's bogeymen, blamed for everything that can't be pinned on former President George W. Bush.
Another year of Bush's tax cuts will not cure what ails the middle class. Economic growth across every industry is the shining hope for the middle class to recover from the losses suffered under the current administration.
Without a robust economic rebound, even Santa Claus won't be able to rescue the middle class.
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