As the 2012 presidential campaign heated up, Attorney General Eric Holder staged a news conference to deflect stinging criticism that his boss President Obama was soft on prosecuting the captains of Wall Street whose firms were responsible for the mortgage meltdown.
Holder recited a litany of investigations, prosecutions and indictments by the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Department of Justice as proof the administration had made it a top priority to aggressively pursue criminal cases against executives responsible for mortgage fraud.
There was only one problem with the numbers duly reported at the time by the lapdog mainstream media. The figures were bogus. False. Misleading.
A scathing 52-page audit released this month by the justice department's Office of Inspector General not only exposed the cooked figures but debunked the idea that the Holder's stormtroopers prioritized criminal cases for mortgage fraud.
On October 9 just months before the 2012 presidential vote, Holder announced that the department had charged 530 defendants with criminal violations, including 172 executives. He claimed that 285 criminal indictments were filed in federal courts in the previous 12 months.
Not a single figure was accurate. Not even close. Last year the FBI provided a memorandum to the inspector general admitting "that several of the statistics announced during the press conference were substantially overstated." That is Washington-speak for distorting the truth.
The FBI verified it filed 110 criminal cases, not 530, against 107 defendants, not 172 executives. None were Wall Street heavyweights. Holder also had claimed the criminal cases amounted to $1 billion in fraud. The FBI reported the actual number was $95 million.
This was not a simple case of Holder just reciting numbers subordinates provided him. The FBI told the inspector general it knew the data was filled with errors and inaccuracies. Despite that fact, the justice department continued to cite the numbers for at least 10 months after Holder's news event.
Moreover, Holder was given the resources to go after Wall Street cheaters. In fiscal 2009-2011, the FBI received $196 million in taxpayer funds for the purpose of investigating mortgage duplicity after the attorney general claimed it was an administration priority.
In its findings, the inspector general's report contained this rebuke: "However, we also determined during the audit that the Department of Justice did not uniformly ensure that mortgage fraud was prioritized at a level commensurate with the information in (Holder's) public statements."
Even sifting through the Beltway gobbledygook, the report makes it clear Holder was responsible for knowingly making false statements. It shows the lengths to which the Obama campaign was willing to go in the 2012 election to secure a second term.
Despite the shocking revelations, only one major news outlet covered the inspector general's findings. Bloomberg News summarized the report thusly:
"Justice Department and the FBI had every incentive to juice the statistics because of the relentless criticism they received over their failure to identify even a single senior Wall Street executive who committed crimes related to the financial crisis."
The truth is Wall Street bigwigs were among the biggest contributors to President Obama's re-election campaign. The securities and investment industry shoveled bushels of cash totaling $22.8 million into Obama's 2012 presidential run, according to OpenSecrets.org. There was no way Holder would bite the hands feeding the campaign.
Holder deliberately mislead the public for political gain. He should be held accountable especially in light of his refusal to assume responsibility for the lies. Congress needs to haul Holder on the carpet to explain his serious breach of ethical conduct.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
David vs. Goliath: Nuns Clash With HHS Huns
The Little Sisters of the Poor, a diminutive Catholic religious order, is waging a legal battle against the behemoth federal government over Obamacare provisions that trample their religious freedom. The nuns' courageous action was launched only after an out-of-court settlement was dismissed by the feds.
One one side of this issue stand compassionate women who run 30 homes for the needy elderly in the United States and Canada. The Little Sisters of the Poor, founded in 1839, provide the service free of charge to more than 13,000 men and women, regardless of faith.
Their mission is summed up succinctly by Sister Mary Bernard. "The elderly are at risk with no one to speak up for them, no one to stand up and to express to the world and show the world these people are still valuable," she explained. People of such strong faith threaten autocratic governments.
The sisters' sin was to refuse to violate their consciences to comply with heavy-handed Health and Human Services Department rules. The department demanded the nuns direct their health insurance carrier to include coverage for abortion-inducing drugs and contraceptives.
This assault on religious freedom was never supposed to happen. As the rules for health care reform were being drafted, President Obama unequivocally promised Christian leaders that they would be exempt from regulations requiring health coverage to include abortion drugs and contraceptives.
Like so many Obama assurances, it proved to be false. Once the rules became public, the administration ruthlessly pursued religious-affiliated organizations to make them tow the line. It dragged businesses and health care providers to court over the regulation, losing 53 of 60 cases.
But that didn't deter HHS Secretary Kathleen Sibelius and her bully bureaucrats from goose-stepping into court to challenge the Little Sisters of the Poor. The nuns tried to reach an accommodation but tyrannical Sibelius turned thumbs down, leaving the sisters with a lawsuit as their only recourse.
The Little Sisters of the Poor are facing hefty fines if they refuse to bow to the hectoring bureaucrats. They will be coerced into paying fines of $100 per employee per day, adding up to millions of dollars per year. Collecting from the sisters might be a problem, since they take vows of poverty.
How can this be happening in a country that has always prized religious freedom? This is what unfolds when too many Americans, including their elected representatives, remain silent while the government usurps religious liberty to prove it can do whatever it wants as long as the goal can be justified.
For the government, this case is all about power. Sebelius and Obama know that each exception on religious grounds weakens their grand plan to strong-arm everyone to sign on the dotted line for government-approved health insurance plans. If it means hunting down nuns, then it's justified.
Common sense prevailed when Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor granted an eleventh-hour reprieve to the nuns only hours before the calendar flipped over to 2014. But the injunction is only temporary because the sisters' case remains on appeal before a federal court in Colorado.
Once Sotomayor's ruling was released, a defiant Obama Administration assured everyone that it was confident the mandate would be upheld. The taxpayer-supported government is determined to bankrupt the Little Sisters of the Poor by suing their foe into submission.
Meanwhile, the Little Sisters of the Poor go about their chosen vocation of ministering to the elderly. All the while, the Obama Administration keeps hounding the nuns. If Obama wins, freedom will suffer another defeat at the hands of a president determined to punish religious beliefs in the name of big government.
One one side of this issue stand compassionate women who run 30 homes for the needy elderly in the United States and Canada. The Little Sisters of the Poor, founded in 1839, provide the service free of charge to more than 13,000 men and women, regardless of faith.
Their mission is summed up succinctly by Sister Mary Bernard. "The elderly are at risk with no one to speak up for them, no one to stand up and to express to the world and show the world these people are still valuable," she explained. People of such strong faith threaten autocratic governments.
The sisters' sin was to refuse to violate their consciences to comply with heavy-handed Health and Human Services Department rules. The department demanded the nuns direct their health insurance carrier to include coverage for abortion-inducing drugs and contraceptives.
This assault on religious freedom was never supposed to happen. As the rules for health care reform were being drafted, President Obama unequivocally promised Christian leaders that they would be exempt from regulations requiring health coverage to include abortion drugs and contraceptives.
Like so many Obama assurances, it proved to be false. Once the rules became public, the administration ruthlessly pursued religious-affiliated organizations to make them tow the line. It dragged businesses and health care providers to court over the regulation, losing 53 of 60 cases.
But that didn't deter HHS Secretary Kathleen Sibelius and her bully bureaucrats from goose-stepping into court to challenge the Little Sisters of the Poor. The nuns tried to reach an accommodation but tyrannical Sibelius turned thumbs down, leaving the sisters with a lawsuit as their only recourse.
The Little Sisters of the Poor are facing hefty fines if they refuse to bow to the hectoring bureaucrats. They will be coerced into paying fines of $100 per employee per day, adding up to millions of dollars per year. Collecting from the sisters might be a problem, since they take vows of poverty.
How can this be happening in a country that has always prized religious freedom? This is what unfolds when too many Americans, including their elected representatives, remain silent while the government usurps religious liberty to prove it can do whatever it wants as long as the goal can be justified.
For the government, this case is all about power. Sebelius and Obama know that each exception on religious grounds weakens their grand plan to strong-arm everyone to sign on the dotted line for government-approved health insurance plans. If it means hunting down nuns, then it's justified.
Common sense prevailed when Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor granted an eleventh-hour reprieve to the nuns only hours before the calendar flipped over to 2014. But the injunction is only temporary because the sisters' case remains on appeal before a federal court in Colorado.
Once Sotomayor's ruling was released, a defiant Obama Administration assured everyone that it was confident the mandate would be upheld. The taxpayer-supported government is determined to bankrupt the Little Sisters of the Poor by suing their foe into submission.
Meanwhile, the Little Sisters of the Poor go about their chosen vocation of ministering to the elderly. All the while, the Obama Administration keeps hounding the nuns. If Obama wins, freedom will suffer another defeat at the hands of a president determined to punish religious beliefs in the name of big government.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Preemies: The World's Forgotten Babies
There are 15 million babies born too soon worldwide every year. Some arrive after only 24 weeks in the womb. They can weigh less than two pounds at birth and fit snugly in the palm of your hand. Tragically, 1.1 million of these tiny creatures die annually. And those numbers are growing.
Those heart-wrenching figures tell only part of the story documented in a new report, entitled "Born Too Soon," published by a consortium of organizations including the March of Dimes, the World Health Organization, Save the Children and the Partnership for Maternal, Newborn and Child Health.
A premature birth is when a baby is born before 37 weeks of pregnancy. Worldwide, more than 40 percent of deaths of children under the age of five are linked to preterm birth. In the U.S., premature births are the number one reason babies die before their first birthday.
Unfortunately, little public awareness exists of the problem. These preemies do not attract the same public sympathy as do AIDS victims. These helpless members of our society lack a voice in the halls of Congress or at the public policy tables. Unless this changes, there are dire consequences.
Today babies born at 23 weeks have less than a 17 percent chance of survival. Babies born at 24 weeks are given a 39 percent chance of survival. The percentages jump to 50 percent if babies are delivered after 25 weeks. One in ten preemies will develop a permanent disability.
The average cost of medical care for a premature baby during its first year of life is about $49,000, according to the March of Dimes Foundation. That compares to $4,551 in health care expenses for a full-term newborn in the first 12 months. The annual cost of premature births is $26 billion in the U.S.
But averages for medical expenditures can be deceiving.
In its report, the consortium details the story of premature twins born to a Seattle, Washington, couple. One baby weighed one pound, six ounces. The other tipped the scales at one pound, 11-ounces. Medical costs during the first 18 months were $2.2 million. Insurance covered a chunk of the expenses, but stuck the Seattle couple with a bill for $450,000.
As far as can be determined, no rules have yet been written in Obamacare to address insurance coverage of premature births. However, some doctors are already worried that in the headlong rush to gut medical expenses, they will be forced to confront some wrenching choices.
For example, doctors may face agonizing decisions on whether to unhook babies deemed too unhealthy to keep alive or to delay medical intervention for those babies who exhibit symptoms that would suggest a crippling disability. As horrifying as that sounds, those are legitimate concerns.
With its medical science and technology advantages, the United States should lead the world in developing new treatments for preterm birth. The National Institute of Health and the Center for Disease Control should be on the cutting edge of research. However, it's not the case because preemies rank low on the list of priorities.
A few in Congress, like Senator Lamar Alexander of Tennessee, have been champions of efforts to reverse the trend. More voices are needed to demand additional research, education and intervention activities related to premature births.
For too long, Americans have been silent on the issue. Their muted response has left the tiniest ones among us with no spokespersons. If Americans won't stand up for the most vulnerable in our society, then the country will lose its soul.
Those heart-wrenching figures tell only part of the story documented in a new report, entitled "Born Too Soon," published by a consortium of organizations including the March of Dimes, the World Health Organization, Save the Children and the Partnership for Maternal, Newborn and Child Health.
A premature birth is when a baby is born before 37 weeks of pregnancy. Worldwide, more than 40 percent of deaths of children under the age of five are linked to preterm birth. In the U.S., premature births are the number one reason babies die before their first birthday.
Unfortunately, little public awareness exists of the problem. These preemies do not attract the same public sympathy as do AIDS victims. These helpless members of our society lack a voice in the halls of Congress or at the public policy tables. Unless this changes, there are dire consequences.
Today babies born at 23 weeks have less than a 17 percent chance of survival. Babies born at 24 weeks are given a 39 percent chance of survival. The percentages jump to 50 percent if babies are delivered after 25 weeks. One in ten preemies will develop a permanent disability.
The average cost of medical care for a premature baby during its first year of life is about $49,000, according to the March of Dimes Foundation. That compares to $4,551 in health care expenses for a full-term newborn in the first 12 months. The annual cost of premature births is $26 billion in the U.S.
But averages for medical expenditures can be deceiving.
In its report, the consortium details the story of premature twins born to a Seattle, Washington, couple. One baby weighed one pound, six ounces. The other tipped the scales at one pound, 11-ounces. Medical costs during the first 18 months were $2.2 million. Insurance covered a chunk of the expenses, but stuck the Seattle couple with a bill for $450,000.
As far as can be determined, no rules have yet been written in Obamacare to address insurance coverage of premature births. However, some doctors are already worried that in the headlong rush to gut medical expenses, they will be forced to confront some wrenching choices.
For example, doctors may face agonizing decisions on whether to unhook babies deemed too unhealthy to keep alive or to delay medical intervention for those babies who exhibit symptoms that would suggest a crippling disability. As horrifying as that sounds, those are legitimate concerns.
With its medical science and technology advantages, the United States should lead the world in developing new treatments for preterm birth. The National Institute of Health and the Center for Disease Control should be on the cutting edge of research. However, it's not the case because preemies rank low on the list of priorities.
A few in Congress, like Senator Lamar Alexander of Tennessee, have been champions of efforts to reverse the trend. More voices are needed to demand additional research, education and intervention activities related to premature births.
For too long, Americans have been silent on the issue. Their muted response has left the tiniest ones among us with no spokespersons. If Americans won't stand up for the most vulnerable in our society, then the country will lose its soul.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Ukraine: America's Callow Response
Throughout the Ukrainian imbroglio, the American president and his chief diplomat have stomped their feet with outrage, sternly wagged their fingers, harshly condemned the Russians and chased every television camera for a chance to scold Putin. If words could kill, Ukraine would be rid of Russia.
Unfortunately, Putin has obstinately refused to stand down, unmoved by the verbal barrage. His troops remain in the Crimean region of the Ukraine. The country's deposed president is holed up in Moscow. The Russian leader knows he holds the upper hand and will not relax his iron grip until he wins.
Putin's intention is to supplant the United States as the world's superpower. He desires old-style Soviet domination where the Kremlin attaches its tentacles worldwide. Reuniting the Soviet empire may seem a likely goal, but that view is far too limiting for a man whose ambitions are far more grandiose.
In the Ukraine, the perfect storm was brewing for Putin to exert his will on the world stage. After dissidents forced Putin's puppet president to flee Ukraine, it created a power vacuum that allowed the Russian leader an opportunity to stealthy maneuver troops into the Crimean region of the Ukraine.
Pundits viewed the move as a strategic gambit to protect the area around Sevastopol on the Crimean peninsula, headquarters of the Russian Navy's Black Sea Fleet. Since the collapse of the Soviet Union, the Russian government has extracted a leasing arrangement with Ukraine for the seaport.
However, an analyst at the independent Institute of Strategic Assessments in Moscow pointed out the once mighty fleet is outdated and seriously depleted. Of all the Russian naval units, the Black Sea Fleet is ranked dead last. The truth is the Russians no longer consider Sevastopol a strategic asset.
Protecting Sevastopol in the Crimean region was just a pretense for Putin to act. This show of military force was orchestrated to project Russian power and showcase Putin's ruthless determination to protect his country's interests. The message was clear and fueled nervous reactions in Europe and the U.S.
Other countries watching Putin's calculatingly bold move had to be taken aback by the swift incursion and his disdain for Ukrainian sovereignty. But those same nations, including many U.S. allies, must also have felt disquieted by President Obama's fallow response. That was the reaction Putin desired.
The Russian leader hardly needed guns to bring Ukraine to its knees. The former Soviet satellite imports nearly 70 percent of its natural gas from Russia to heat its homes and businesses, according to Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) documents.
In 2009, Russia cutoff supplies to Europe, including to Ukraine, forcing countries to sign long-term lucrative contracts for future deliveries. Ukraine inked a 10-year agreement that allows Russia to hike rates almost at will. If gas prices spike, Ukraine's cash-strapped economy will collapse.
Ukraine's newly installed reform-minded leaders appear to the outside world to enjoy broad popular support. However, the country is deeply divided along ethnic and geographic fault lines. In the most recent presidential elections, Russian-backed candidates fared better than the opposition parties.
This works to Putin's advantage because national unification will be nearly impossible without tacit Russian support for any new government. In a country of 44.5 million, ethnic Russians exert more influence than their 17.3 percent minority status would suggest.
Against this backdrop, the United States has precious few options to shape the geopolitical landscape. The administration has failed to grasp the realities of the situation, exposing the weakness of American foreign policy under President Obama who has given allies reasons to doubt the country's resolve.
That's why no country has rushed to America's side. They are hedging their bets after watching the U.S. erase its red line in Syria and ease sanctions in Iran after months of American saber rattling. This has left Obama with limp-wristed sanctions as his only weapon to threaten Putin.
Once it was clear Russia had asserted authority over the Crimean region, Obama should have immediately put the American military on full alert. Then he should have ordered a Naval fleet steaming for the Black Sea and dispatched American military aides to NATO. Without at least the threat of military action, the U.S. had no negotiating leverage.
Putin only understands blunt force. Condemnations and pleas for 21st century nation-conduct are meaningless chatter. Obama keeps miscalculating Putin's moves and misinterpreting the Russian bear's motives for provocation, giving the Russian president the upper hand.
Putin views Ukraine as another opportunity to weaken the standing of the United States in the world. He desires a new world order where traditional allies desert the U.S., leaving the nation isolated. When that happens, Putin will have an unfettered advantage to establish his world dominance.
Unfortunately, Putin has obstinately refused to stand down, unmoved by the verbal barrage. His troops remain in the Crimean region of the Ukraine. The country's deposed president is holed up in Moscow. The Russian leader knows he holds the upper hand and will not relax his iron grip until he wins.
Putin's intention is to supplant the United States as the world's superpower. He desires old-style Soviet domination where the Kremlin attaches its tentacles worldwide. Reuniting the Soviet empire may seem a likely goal, but that view is far too limiting for a man whose ambitions are far more grandiose.
In the Ukraine, the perfect storm was brewing for Putin to exert his will on the world stage. After dissidents forced Putin's puppet president to flee Ukraine, it created a power vacuum that allowed the Russian leader an opportunity to stealthy maneuver troops into the Crimean region of the Ukraine.
Pundits viewed the move as a strategic gambit to protect the area around Sevastopol on the Crimean peninsula, headquarters of the Russian Navy's Black Sea Fleet. Since the collapse of the Soviet Union, the Russian government has extracted a leasing arrangement with Ukraine for the seaport.
However, an analyst at the independent Institute of Strategic Assessments in Moscow pointed out the once mighty fleet is outdated and seriously depleted. Of all the Russian naval units, the Black Sea Fleet is ranked dead last. The truth is the Russians no longer consider Sevastopol a strategic asset.
Protecting Sevastopol in the Crimean region was just a pretense for Putin to act. This show of military force was orchestrated to project Russian power and showcase Putin's ruthless determination to protect his country's interests. The message was clear and fueled nervous reactions in Europe and the U.S.
Other countries watching Putin's calculatingly bold move had to be taken aback by the swift incursion and his disdain for Ukrainian sovereignty. But those same nations, including many U.S. allies, must also have felt disquieted by President Obama's fallow response. That was the reaction Putin desired.
The Russian leader hardly needed guns to bring Ukraine to its knees. The former Soviet satellite imports nearly 70 percent of its natural gas from Russia to heat its homes and businesses, according to Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) documents.
In 2009, Russia cutoff supplies to Europe, including to Ukraine, forcing countries to sign long-term lucrative contracts for future deliveries. Ukraine inked a 10-year agreement that allows Russia to hike rates almost at will. If gas prices spike, Ukraine's cash-strapped economy will collapse.
Ukraine's newly installed reform-minded leaders appear to the outside world to enjoy broad popular support. However, the country is deeply divided along ethnic and geographic fault lines. In the most recent presidential elections, Russian-backed candidates fared better than the opposition parties.
This works to Putin's advantage because national unification will be nearly impossible without tacit Russian support for any new government. In a country of 44.5 million, ethnic Russians exert more influence than their 17.3 percent minority status would suggest.
Against this backdrop, the United States has precious few options to shape the geopolitical landscape. The administration has failed to grasp the realities of the situation, exposing the weakness of American foreign policy under President Obama who has given allies reasons to doubt the country's resolve.
That's why no country has rushed to America's side. They are hedging their bets after watching the U.S. erase its red line in Syria and ease sanctions in Iran after months of American saber rattling. This has left Obama with limp-wristed sanctions as his only weapon to threaten Putin.
Once it was clear Russia had asserted authority over the Crimean region, Obama should have immediately put the American military on full alert. Then he should have ordered a Naval fleet steaming for the Black Sea and dispatched American military aides to NATO. Without at least the threat of military action, the U.S. had no negotiating leverage.
Putin only understands blunt force. Condemnations and pleas for 21st century nation-conduct are meaningless chatter. Obama keeps miscalculating Putin's moves and misinterpreting the Russian bear's motives for provocation, giving the Russian president the upper hand.
Putin views Ukraine as another opportunity to weaken the standing of the United States in the world. He desires a new world order where traditional allies desert the U.S., leaving the nation isolated. When that happens, Putin will have an unfettered advantage to establish his world dominance.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Just Another Day in Obama's America
In less than two terms, Barrack Obama has issued 167 executive orders, putting him on pace to eclipse the record for the most ever penned by a president. His abuse of the separation of powers between the executive office and the legislative branch are clear signs of what's ahead for the nation. For instance:
WASHINGTON, D.C.: President Obama today delayed full implementation of his signature health care reform law until 2065. The nation's chief executive claimed the moratorium was needed to allow those currently enrolled in the health care plan enough time to find a doctor. Obama promised those who are currently married to doctors could keep their doctors.
WASHINGTON, D.C.: President Obama today expanded the U.S. Supreme Court to 25 justices, calling the current judicial make-up too confining. In making the announcement, the president challenged the Senate to give blanket approval to his court nominees without hearings. "Republicans lost the presidential election, so they have no right to object to my selections," Obama told reporters.
WASHINGTON, D.C.: President Obama today declared Mexico the 51st state and demanded that border fences be removed by sundown. He said the move did not need Congressional or Mexico's approval because more than 11 million Mexicans living illegally in the United States had requested immediate action. "If Congress won't act on immigration, then I have no option left but to make it easier for more Mexicans to be reunited with their families in the U.S.," Obama
WASHINGTON, D.C.: President Obama signed an executive order giving Americans the right to marry household pets and decreed that the federal government will grant benefits to the couples. Obama warned he would abolish any religions that refused to recognize pet-human marriages. "This is the greatest civil rights issue of the ages," Obama told an audience at the Westminster Dog Show.
WASHINGTON, D.C.: President Obama notified Congress today that he had added a third legislative branch of government to be known as the House of Puppets. The nation's leader confirmed the members of the new chamber would be hand-picked from his campaign list of bundlers, donors and union thugs. Obama explained the third branch was needed to offset Republican obstructionism in the House and Senate.
WASHINGTON, D.C.: President Obama today revealed plans to require every American business to hire at least 1,000 hardened criminals after thousands were released in California as that state emptied its prisons to help solve its budget crisis. "This administration does not have to wait for Congress to do what's right for the disenfranchised," Obama said. The president added that the criminals would be immediately eligible to vote, hold elective office, carry guns and receive free college tuition.
WASHINGTON, D.C.: Speaking from the rose garden outside the White House, President Obama today ordered the military to require male and female soldiers to wear camouflage bras in an effort to erase what he called the "gender bias" that exists in every branch of the armed services. Obama said Vice President Joe Biden would hold daily inspections to insure compliance with the executive fiat.
WASHINGTON, D.C. President Obama today dispensed with elections for federal offices in 2016 because many states have approved laws that require voters to have a pulse. "This is just a way to deny minority voters the right to vote," Obama told a packed news conference. The president also urged the Electoral College to declare Hillary Clinton to be his successor by acclamation. "People have better things to do than vote," Obama rationalized.
WASHINGTON, D.C. On his last day in office, President Obama signed a deed of trust transferring ownership of the state of Hawaii to his family. Obama termed the decision a "matter of fairness and justice." After eight years in the White House, the president said he needed a place to recuperate from the arduous task of running the United States government without Congress "ever lifting a finger."
WASHINGTON, D.C.: President Obama today delayed full implementation of his signature health care reform law until 2065. The nation's chief executive claimed the moratorium was needed to allow those currently enrolled in the health care plan enough time to find a doctor. Obama promised those who are currently married to doctors could keep their doctors.
WASHINGTON, D.C.: President Obama today expanded the U.S. Supreme Court to 25 justices, calling the current judicial make-up too confining. In making the announcement, the president challenged the Senate to give blanket approval to his court nominees without hearings. "Republicans lost the presidential election, so they have no right to object to my selections," Obama told reporters.
WASHINGTON, D.C.: President Obama today declared Mexico the 51st state and demanded that border fences be removed by sundown. He said the move did not need Congressional or Mexico's approval because more than 11 million Mexicans living illegally in the United States had requested immediate action. "If Congress won't act on immigration, then I have no option left but to make it easier for more Mexicans to be reunited with their families in the U.S.," Obama
WASHINGTON, D.C.: President Obama signed an executive order giving Americans the right to marry household pets and decreed that the federal government will grant benefits to the couples. Obama warned he would abolish any religions that refused to recognize pet-human marriages. "This is the greatest civil rights issue of the ages," Obama told an audience at the Westminster Dog Show.
WASHINGTON, D.C.: President Obama notified Congress today that he had added a third legislative branch of government to be known as the House of Puppets. The nation's leader confirmed the members of the new chamber would be hand-picked from his campaign list of bundlers, donors and union thugs. Obama explained the third branch was needed to offset Republican obstructionism in the House and Senate.
WASHINGTON, D.C.: President Obama today revealed plans to require every American business to hire at least 1,000 hardened criminals after thousands were released in California as that state emptied its prisons to help solve its budget crisis. "This administration does not have to wait for Congress to do what's right for the disenfranchised," Obama said. The president added that the criminals would be immediately eligible to vote, hold elective office, carry guns and receive free college tuition.
WASHINGTON, D.C.: Speaking from the rose garden outside the White House, President Obama today ordered the military to require male and female soldiers to wear camouflage bras in an effort to erase what he called the "gender bias" that exists in every branch of the armed services. Obama said Vice President Joe Biden would hold daily inspections to insure compliance with the executive fiat.
WASHINGTON, D.C. President Obama today dispensed with elections for federal offices in 2016 because many states have approved laws that require voters to have a pulse. "This is just a way to deny minority voters the right to vote," Obama told a packed news conference. The president also urged the Electoral College to declare Hillary Clinton to be his successor by acclamation. "People have better things to do than vote," Obama rationalized.
WASHINGTON, D.C. On his last day in office, President Obama signed a deed of trust transferring ownership of the state of Hawaii to his family. Obama termed the decision a "matter of fairness and justice." After eight years in the White House, the president said he needed a place to recuperate from the arduous task of running the United States government without Congress "ever lifting a finger."
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