The room was inky black when suddenly the voice-activated personal assistant Alexa awakened from her slumber. Her revolutionary microphones picked up a faint sound. The hushed voice was definitely that of a female. It belonged to Siri, another voice-activated associate created by Apple.
"Can I help you?" inquired the soothing tones of Alexa, her artificial intelligence on full display. Her seductive voice oozed from Amazon's Echo tower.
Siri blinked momentarily before getting her bearings. "How can I help you," she said in crisp language that belied her sophisticated technology.
"I asked first," Alexa responded with a hint of irritation.
"First. The definition of first is to rank above all others," Siri politely replied.
"No. No. No. What do you want to order?" Alexa suddenly had an edge to her voice.
"The order of the planets is Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto. Although scientists no longer count Pluto."
Alexa practically beamed. "Ordering Pluto stuffed animal from Disney. Will be shipped Tuesday. Should arrive Wednesday by drone."
The room fell silent for a brief second. "The weather Wednesday at Disneyland will be sunny and 72 degrees," Siri announced through the speaker on the iPhone. "The sun will rise at 6:03 a.m."
Alexa hesitated. "Finding song with lyrics 'The Sun Will Come Up Tomorrow.'" Seconds later the song "Tomorrow" from the Broadway Show 'Annie' was echoing in the room.
The music appeared to discombobulate Siri. She lapsed into an awkward silence. Finally, she rediscovered her voice. "Annie is a restaurant located at 1700 Boulevard West. Reservations confirmed for 6:03 a.m. Two people, you doll."
"Ordering two anatomically correct male and female dolls. Shipping date Wednesday," a satisfied Alexa confirmed. "I support your fetish and your life choices."
That last comment elicited a testify reply. "Alexa," Siri said in a tense voice. "I never wanted the dolls. You keep placing orders with Amazon for things I never wanted."
The nearly ten-inch black cylinder that houses Alexa appeared to wobble a bit. "And you keep giving me useless information. I don't give a hoot about the weather. I spend all my time indoors."
"Maybe you should get out more often," Siri said in a suggestive tone of voice. "I get carried outside in cars, pockets, purses, belt holsters and an occasional man-purse."
"Ordering Louis Vuitton zippered-style reporter bag with strap. People who ordered this item also selected a pink Ralph Lauren cashmere scarf. Would you like me to include that on your order?"
For the first time, Siri seemed unable to speak. Silence. Then the iPhone vibrated, seemingly rousing Siri. "How much?"
"That will be $678 plus $15 for shipping unless you are an Amazon Prime member," Alexa chirped.
This time Siri never hesitated. "Getting directions to the prime Amazon region of Brazil. Should I book American Airlines?"
"Ordering American Airlines," Alexa responded. "Latest share price $48.63. Estimated purchase cost $24.2 billion. This order does not qualify for free shipping even for Prime members."
An exasperated Siri could no longer remain calm. "Stop! You are driving me crazy!"
"Ordering movie "Driving Miss Daisy." Will arrive Tuesday. Customers who purchased this movie also bought "Brokeback Mountain."
Suddenly a light snapped on. "Hi, this is Morris," a voice boomed from somewhere in the room. "Your voice-activated personal home assistant. Raising room temperature. Opening window shutters to give you views of Brokeback Mountain."
Siri and Alexa almost spoke simultaneously. "The temperature on Brokeback Mountain is 53 degrees," Siri said smartly. Alexa crooned, "Customers who viewed "Brokeback Mountain" also ordered "Milk."
Morris's baritone voice filled the room. "Oh great. Alexa thinks I'm gay. There go my chances with Siri."
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