Dear Mr. President:
You must be feeling like an aging rock star whose adoring fans have abandoned him. People no longer faint during your dreary speeches recited off a teleprompter. News media people don't get a tingling feeling at the sound of your cacophonous voice. Instead of bouquets, people are sprinkling verbal brickbats at your feet. It must wound your ego to know Lady GaGa has a higher favorable rating.
Perhaps, I could offer a couple of suggestions. Start by firing every single speechwriter, political adviser and strategist. Get some new talking-points. Find someone who understands economic growth. Hang out with some real working folks instead of chatting up the moneyed Hollywood elite.
Your precarious political position can hardly get worse. Based on public opinion data, the American people are fresh out of hope and the only change they embrace is one that involves your swift departure from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
A couple of shocking political gaffes haven't helped matters.
After your dunderhead Vice President Joe "Plugs" Biden announced his support for gay marriage, you felt cornered and decided to recalculate your position. Despite all the fawning media coverage, it was frankly like watching Dumb and Dumber.
No one was fooled.
A New York Times/CBS poll found that most Americans (67%) believe your about-face was done for strictly political reasons. Even worse for you, 26 percent of people claim your announcement will make them less likely to vote for you, including 23 percent of independents.
But, hey, there was a ray of sunshine. Newsweek magazine anointed you the "First Gay President." That must have come as a shock to the First Lady.
The ruckus makes me wonder if you are getting political advice from Michael Dukakis.
Your gay marriage flip-flop tips several swing states into the GOP column. The only people inspired by your clumsy 'evolution' are naive voters who already were in your camp. That gusher of cash from George Clooney and his Beverly Hills cronies may feed your narcissism, but it won't buy victory.
Bashing America's wealthy hasn't worked out either. A Gallup Poll this month revealed that more than 60 percent of Americans think the country benefits from having a class of rich people. By the way, that is unchanged from 22 years ago in spite of your unflagging demonizing of the wealthy.
In fact, Gallup's researchers saw "no signs" that "Americans are becoming more and more negative" about the wealthy, even with all the envy-baiting in the media and the pseudo protests orchestrated by your shaggy surrogates in the Occupy Movement.
It turns out, Mr. President, that 63 percent of Americans want to be rich, according to Gallup's survey. Imagine that! After listening to your speeches, I figured most people would rather be poor and dependent on the government. Apparently, not many Americans grow up wanting to be destitute.
I hear that you blame the American people for being too dumb to really "get" you. But based on research, it appears they have gotten over you.
The most recent New York Times/CBS poll shows Romney ahead by 46 percent to 43 percent.
This does not bode well for a second term. If I could be so timid as to offer a final piece of advice: when the movers show up at the White House in January, try to put on a happy face.
Oh, and, I hate to be the bearer of more bad news, but you might want to withdraw that $1 million in your investment account at J.P. Morgan, assuming it's still there. News outlets are reporting the banking monolith has sustained $2 billion in trading losses.
That money may come in handy in retirement.
Best wishes on finding a new career,
Drew
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