They are bald men, discriminated against by a society that believes a thick head of hair is next to godliness. Lesbians, gays, native Americans, African-Americans and even dwarfs are represented by anti-discriminatory groups. Laws have been written to protect them from hate crimes.
But bald men wallow in the shadows, unloved, vulnerable, indefensible and powerless. They are victims who suffer silently the barbs of the insensitive and malicious. "That glare bouncing off your head is blinding me," is the insult repeated ad nausea by amigos and antagonists alike.
Bald is not beautiful unless you are a movie star with your own yacht, a 20,000-square foot mansion and fire-engine red Maserati. Even then, you better don a hat. For every Bruce Willis, there are a 100 Tom Cruise clones on screen flaunting their flocculent follicles.
Gays, lesbians and transsexuals represent about 2.5 percent of the population according to a new study by the Center for Disease Control. Yet they have far more clout that bald males, who outnumber them by millions. By age 50, six out of every 10 men will have suffered some degree of baldness.
Just based on those figures, bald men deserve at least as much protection as gays. But they need to be better organized, more vocal and downright pushy. For starters, they need a lobby with a catchy abbreviation. How about Follicle Organization Lividly In Crisis or FOLIC?
Every special interest group needs a headquarters location. The small town (pop. 2,897) of Bald Knob, Arkansas, would nicely serve that purpose. The perfect front man for the organization would be Vin Diesel, an actor with an intimidating presence and a seriously gravelly voice.
Despite voters objections to gay marriage, the courts have struck down bans approved in most states. Surely, that precedent can be used to rule that a bald man can marry a bald woman without suffering stares, insults and society's scorn. It only seems fair.
No group needs hate crime protection more than bald men. The endless jokes are reason enough. "Bill is so bald you can see what's on his mind." "What's the difference between a prince and a bald man? A prince is an heir apparent and a bald man has no hair apparent." The gags are demeaning and hateful.
Have you ever noticed there are more gays on television shows than bald men? And, if the script calls for a bald actor, chances are he will be the show's buffoon. Meanwhile, the gay guy is smart, suave and oozes charm. The bald guy never gets the woman or the man.
Researchers in Germany and Japan found that people view bald men as being older, although socially mature. Men with a flowing locks were perceived as being more aggressive and less mature. The study, conducted in 2001, would have been produced far different results if it was done in the U.S.
In America, bald men are held in such low esteem every president since Dwight Eisenhower in 1953 has sported telegenic heads overflowing with hair. The optics of a bald man addressing the nation are just too frightening for many Americans.
But all that is about to change. Once organized, bald men will reclaim their rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of Hair Club memberships.
Gays, lesbians and transsexuals represent about 2.5 percent of the population according to a new study by the Center for Disease Control. Yet they have far more clout that bald males, who outnumber them by millions. By age 50, six out of every 10 men will have suffered some degree of baldness.
Just based on those figures, bald men deserve at least as much protection as gays. But they need to be better organized, more vocal and downright pushy. For starters, they need a lobby with a catchy abbreviation. How about Follicle Organization Lividly In Crisis or FOLIC?
Every special interest group needs a headquarters location. The small town (pop. 2,897) of Bald Knob, Arkansas, would nicely serve that purpose. The perfect front man for the organization would be Vin Diesel, an actor with an intimidating presence and a seriously gravelly voice.
Despite voters objections to gay marriage, the courts have struck down bans approved in most states. Surely, that precedent can be used to rule that a bald man can marry a bald woman without suffering stares, insults and society's scorn. It only seems fair.
No group needs hate crime protection more than bald men. The endless jokes are reason enough. "Bill is so bald you can see what's on his mind." "What's the difference between a prince and a bald man? A prince is an heir apparent and a bald man has no hair apparent." The gags are demeaning and hateful.
Have you ever noticed there are more gays on television shows than bald men? And, if the script calls for a bald actor, chances are he will be the show's buffoon. Meanwhile, the gay guy is smart, suave and oozes charm. The bald guy never gets the woman or the man.
Researchers in Germany and Japan found that people view bald men as being older, although socially mature. Men with a flowing locks were perceived as being more aggressive and less mature. The study, conducted in 2001, would have been produced far different results if it was done in the U.S.
In America, bald men are held in such low esteem every president since Dwight Eisenhower in 1953 has sported telegenic heads overflowing with hair. The optics of a bald man addressing the nation are just too frightening for many Americans.
But all that is about to change. Once organized, bald men will reclaim their rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of Hair Club memberships.
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