Santa's Tweets Make Some See Red

The white-bearded guy with the ill-fitting red suit and the ample belly has officially joined the social media craze. The North Pole's most famous resident Santa Claus has his own Twitter account and he has been busy, unleashing a snowstorm of tweets that have raised a few bushy eyebrows.

In an exclusive interview with Drew's Diatribe, Mr. Claus revealed he turned to social media after Fake News outlets skewered him for not releasing his federal tax return.  "The Washington Post claimed I paid no taxes despite my yuge income from licensing my image," Mr. Claus said.

Dressed in his familiar lumpy red suit, Mr. Claus said he had no income in 2016 because a couple of his newly opened North Pole golf courses went belly up. "As a result of the losses,  my deductions offset my income.  So my tax bill was zero.  Get over it Jeff Bezos," Mr. Claus harrumphed.

Bezos is the billionaire owner of The Washington Post and is the chief executive at online retailer giant Amazon, which has refused to use reindeer to deliver its packages. 

"I knew if I wanted the real story to get out, I had to bypass the news media and talk directly to the little people and I'm not just talking about my elves," Mr. Claus said.

Here are some of the tweets Mr. Claus posted during the most recent 11 months:

@realSantaClaus 26 December 2016
The establishment is going crazy because some nosy reporter discovered that I left Presidential Inauguration mugs under a few million trees on Christmas.  MY BAD!  I didn't have time to remove Hillary Clinton's image. It was NOT deliberately mean-spirited.  WHO KNEW?

@realSantaClaus 14 February 2017
Happy Valentine's Day to Harvey Weinstein, who visited the North Pole today handing out candy to all the little girls.  A few of the lucky ones got invitations for a screen test in Harry's office in Hollywood.  WHAT A GUY!

@realSantaClaus 29 June 2017
The FBI arrived at the North Pole today to question me about the email server stowed in the basement of the toy workshop.  I didn't know I had a server.  WHO put that in there?  I suspect Rudolf because he started a blog this year called, "Red Nose This You Giant Tool."  He needed a big server to handle all the emailed comments.

@realSantaClaus 22 July 2017
Some of you SNOWFLAKES have taken to social media to demand I rip down the North Pole statue of St. Nicholas, who inspired the legend of Santa Claus. You claim he was a product of white privilege.  Some of you even blame him for the Civil War in America. We don't have a Democratic Party mayor in North Pole.  I'm the mayor.  The statue STAYS.

@realSantaClaus 13 August 2017
Some guy named Putin from Russia showed up unannounced today.  He practically swooned when Mrs. Claus opened the front door.  (She looks pretty hot in red, if I may say so myself.)  This big shot tried to get me to vote twice in the American presidential election to help his candidate win.  ILLEGAL! Except in Illinois, where even out-of-state reindeer can vote twice.

@realSantaClaus 9 September 2017
During a trial run for Christmas, my sleigh almost was destroyed by a North Korean ballistic missile as we flew over Japan.  It splashed harmlessly in the ocean but it caused a couple of reindeer to lose their racks.  A lump of coal for the  LITTLE ROCKET MAN this year.  And for his barber.

@realSantaClaus 8 October 2017
Have you seen the stock market?  The Dow is going crazy.  North Pole Railroad is up nearly 150 percent. I am having to remake the Monopoly Game this Christmas because real estate value is skyrocketing.  We also will need to print more play money, just like the Federal Reserve.

@realSantaClaus 30 October 2017
Dancer and Blizten were both accused of sexual assault today by Prancer.  They immediately resigned from the reindeer team.  That makes four reindeer I have lost.  At this rate, poor old Rudolf will be pulling my giant sleigh by himself.  Good thing he settled the harassment suit with Vixen by tapping the North Pole hush fund. 

@realSantaClaus 11 November 2017
Working on my Naughty List for this Christmas.  Some of the folks who are sure to make it include Al Franken, Andrea Ramsey, John Conyers, Joe Barton, Gloria Allred, Jim Comey and Robert Mueller.  Permanent names on the list every year are Scourge and everyone who works at FAKE NEWS outlet CNN.

@realSantaClaus 22 November 2017
Lots of you have pleaded with me to stop tweeting.  You think it tarnishes my image because you consider it un-Santa like.  But presidents do it. Pro athletes do it.  Actors do it.  Heck, even the talentless Kardashians do it.  Before Twitter, I was just some fat guy who hung out with stinky reindeer. Now LOOK at me!

@realSantaClaus 24 December 2017
It's snowing and the reindeer are eager to show off their perfect landings on the rooftops of homes all over the world. MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone.  And if you don't believe in me, Santa Claus, then I feel sorry for you.  Even grownups could use a little Christmas magic.